$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
