I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
