i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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