I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
