he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
