I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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