Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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