God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
