3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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