Who wears a wallet chain?!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
