I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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