why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
