we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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