Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
