Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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