planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize