i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All the doctor said was why
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
