So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
