he thought i was a dude.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
