I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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