so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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