The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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