soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
