You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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