Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
