So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Less talking, more tequila
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
