I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
