Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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