I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
