Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
