How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
