fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
