sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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