I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?