You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"