I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize