Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.