NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
