Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
