i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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