Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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