sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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