I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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