mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
