ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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