whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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