So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
