he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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