How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
