so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
