Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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