I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
