I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How does it feel to date your dad?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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