so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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