I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
