i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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