Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I understand Curling. That high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How external is "for external use only"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
