best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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