There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
