So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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