I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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