You're so nebulous sometimes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
