Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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